A father’s tearful battle to regain a relationship with his son
Imagine having a loving and unbreakable bond with your son for almost eight years and even five years after divorce you still have that unbreakable bond? Now, close your eyes and imagine that not only has your son been wired to hate you but he is now saying that he would not care if you were dead. Did you close your eyes and imagine this happening to you? The chances are you can not do this and you can never imagine it because of your bond and love with your son. I got news for all parents who have gone through a divorce, going through a divorce, or even if you are not going through a divorce and think your bond with your child is unbreakable.
It is. No parent is immune from something called parental alienation which is a form of brainwashing of a child and teaching him/her to hate the other parent just because you hate your ex-wife or ex-husband. This happens in every single divorce case and it happens even while you are married in one way, shape or form believe it or not. I say “every” because there is always some sort of disparaging remark about your significant other that your child has heard or continues to hear and this is still parental alienation, but it is at its infancy and harmless until you are divorced.
In my case, the alienation was present right beneath my nose while still married and raising my son but I was too naive and outright stupid to even see it. It began with “oh daddy doesn‘t even know how to put your buttons on” all the way through today which is why my son now says “I don‘t care if my daddy dies” and “I don‘t care if my daddy comes all the way from Russia to see me because I don‘t want to see him”. So, the question is not whether or not parental alienation exists the question is the degree of parental alienation and how severe it is at the moment. Your unbreakable bond and your love for your child has vanished simply because your ex-wife or ex-husband hates you more than he or she loves her own child.
Imagine having that love and unbreakable bond with your child for almost eight years but when things start going south after your divorce, the tool used to destroy your relationship with your child is the system which is supposed to protect “the best interest of the child”. The question is not whether this happens the question is why this happens and my case is no different than other cases of parental alienation, it is just the most severe type of parental alienation when your son says “I love you daddy” and “how come I cannot come to your house daddy” to “I hate my daddy, he is a bad man” or simply “I do not care if my daddy dies”. Can a parent even imagine their child saying these very hurtful and life-altering words which will not only scar you for life but it will damage your child for life too?
There are many reasons why parental alienation occurs and published books have been written about this epidemic by experts such as Dean Tong and many others. The issue is not whether it exists and how it occurs, but what to do about it and what solutions do we need to curtail this problem which is ruining lives across the world, not just in the United States. Unfortunately, the difference here is that other countries around the globe have acknowledged the negative effects of Family Court, and its citizens actually do not go through the circus called “family court” because of the penalties against doing this and because “it is not in the child‘s best interest”.
Iceland, Norway, Sweden and Finland, among other countries got it right and its citizens avoid family court altogether unless it is really necessary. Brazil actually passed a law which forbids parental alienation and recognizes it as a criminal act and actually makes arrests based on false allegations instead of just passing a statute and telling the public “don‘t do this or you CAN be in trouble”. Even if there is so-called “high-conflict” cases it is resolved outside of family court because there is an incentive to do so, instead of the way it is in the United States where there is an incentive to go to court because one side is usually the one that is irrational and pushing to belittle the importance of the very person they laid in bed with to make that child, but all of a sudden once they get a divorce that same person is a monster.
In conclusion, there are ways to put an end to a system which encourages constant court battles between a child‘s parents and we should learn from Brazil and the Scandinavian countries. We should look at how they have organized a system where no one benefits financially from family court and no one has financial gain because of your family‘s pain. There are many solutions to this madness but we as a society need to ask ourselves if there really is an incentive for the employees of the family law industry to stop this destruction and in my next article I will study the alternatives to family court and what can be done to try to eliminate family court altogether.